There have been times in my life that my quiet time was something I did just to feel good about myself. Besides, I was a Christian and it was something you were ‘suppose’ to do. I had heard that getting through a day without relying on God’s strength was not wise, but I had done it plenty of times over my life and nothing bad came from it other than guilt. Over the coarse of many years, I had the usual ups and downs in my fellowship with Christ. I went to church, and enjoyed learning more about the Bible, but the emotion, the depth was not as deep as I had hoped. I knew I was God’s child, that was never in question, but what was I missing? Older generations would stand to talk about the Gospel and would break down in tears worshiping their King. How do I get that? Maybe I was not ‘doing’ enough. Maybe I need to confess more sins or pray 10 minuets longer. I didn’t know what, but something was missing. Dont get me wrong, during those ‘highs’ in my relationship with Christ, I knew His power. During the death of my mother, I saw Him work in so many incredible ways that made me tear up in awe, but those were just moments and memories. It is like no matter what God did in my life, a few months later I would be right back to ‘doing’ my quiet time and the emotions and awe were gone. I speak in past tense as if that were ages ago, but it wasn’t.
I had a reality check of just how weak, and vulnerable I am. I am not just saying this because it sounds nice, but I am terrified to go through a single day without the complete and total reliance on my Savior. Yes, He has made Himself known again, but this isn’t just an up and down of my Christian walk. God allowed me to see how important it is to worship Him. Those months were a blessing and have changed my life. The enemy still attacks just as fierce as he did during those previous months, but the difference is, I am now wrapped in my Fathers strength.
|Just what the doctor ordered: Family, s'mores, and card games!|