All of us assumed we would go talk to a counselor, get an answer, and be on our way back to Lokichoggio before long. However, appointment after appointment led us down a deep dark road of disappointment, frustration, and more questions. We talked to psychiatrists, psychologists, neurologists, pastors, counselors and more doctors. No one had an answer. Test after test came back negative. Each result would bring a doctor out scratching his head. We were healthy and one could find anything wrong, so they gave their best guess. Some said we were crazy and needed medication, others said we were experiencing side effects from a strong malaria prevention we had taken for a year. But nothing was definite, no guess from the professionals led us any closer to going back, in fact they all lead us further away. Month after month passed, and we were worse off then when we left. Deep into depression we spiraled. We were so deeply broken and without the joys that our Turkana brought, we were faced to look straight into the dark ugly face of this mystery. We spent the first six months in the darkest place emotionally and spiritually that either one of us had ever ventured. Our families were caught in the middle as we lived in their homes. They hurt with us and were crushed to see their children in so much emotional pain, but unable to do anything about it. They lost sleep, and saw our ugly brokenness. There we lay before them, crushed, with no answers, no motivation, and no hope of going back on the field.
I know by now your mind is rushing to try and figure out what happened to us. Well, let me give your mind some rest and let you know that is isn’t a deep dark sin, or a medical issue. It is something still unexplained to us, but we have stopped trying to throw a label on the problem. Please understand that it isn’t we don’t want to reveal it, but we cant. Just know that we went into a place held in bondage by Spiritual darkness thinking we were untouchable. We did not understand the tactics of the enemy and we were unprepared for the battle. We did not understand the full power and need for prayer. We tried to handle the attacks through our own strength. So, I guess this is the whole point of us putting all this out there is, The war is bigger than us, and the enemy is smart. However, he is also defeated and our God is bigger. Period. We NEED to be DAILY praying for each other!!!! We NEED prayer and lots of it. Pray for us, and other missionaries!!! The enemy wants to cause disunity, confusion, and fear. Pray that we would see where there is not unity and strive to stand strong where relationships are crumbling (Pray Eph. 4:1-3). Pray that we would be in tune to God’s leading and that we would not be blinded by confusion (Pray 1 Peter 5:8-11). Pray that when fear comes on us so thick, that we would be able to rest in Christ and His Word (1 Peter 3:13-17).
Slowly, we have been pieced back together. We did not get this way through doctors or counselors, but through the fellowship of the church and through the encouragement of our families. Each person praying for us, the Sunday School class in Asheville praying over us, individuals letting us rest in their homes and showering us in encouragement, realizing the importance of immersion in God’s Word, and appreciating the beauty of marriage and it’s purpose. Even though no one knew our situation and heartbreak, it didn’t matter. So many just poured their love over us even in our brokenness, even in our inability to thank them. We were too weak to move and encourage them back, and yet they still gave. Out of the selflessness, they mentored us, had us over for dinners, and met us for coffee. Little by little we gained strength to sit up. We then were able to brush ourselves off and actually stand, but still weak and feeble, we needed the support of those around us. Through perseverance of others reaching out to us and praying for us and through His leading and His Word, we are stronger then we have ever been. As I open my Bible, the tear stained pages and notes jotted down in the margin, remind me at how far God has brought us. A man who faced far more then I could ever imagine, once said “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generation, for ever and ever! Amen.” Eph. 3:20 & 21
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